Most of you know that I will turn 31 next Sunday. I have known some people that had meltdowns when they turned 30. Either because they think they are old now or because they did not accomplish what they had hoped too before they turned 30. I have not had a meltdown, although I am prone to meltdowns lately. I think more than anything, this year, I have contemplated on the things that I am most thankful for. And perhaps, have not been that thankful for before, or may have just taken it for granted. I hope to not ever take these things for granted from now on.
1. I have a relationship with Jesus Christ.
2. I have a loving husband who never fails to remind me that I was made just for him.
3. I have a son who is bright and smart and charming and beautiful and who was made just for us to parent.
4. I almost died, Jesus healed me and I live to tell about it. I don’t know why that happened or how that happened, and I may never know, but I do know that our God is able and he is big enough to do ANYTHING…ANYTHING, make you president of the United States if he wants too, and that is a big concept to wrap your mind around.
5. I have a wonderful family! I have the best parents in the world (I know everyone says that) but I really do! J My mother is my best friend and that is a true blessing to me. I have awesome in-laws who are less like in-laws but more like adopted parents. I have a sister and brother and sister-in-laws and nephews that make life fun.
Another thing that I have contemplated during this year is that I am relatively quiet, and don’t speak up for myself a whole lot. I’ve “decided” that there are certain things that I usually just don’t speak up about that I will not continue to do anymore. Tim said the other day….”You are deciding a lot of things lately”… And here is my compiled list of things I have decided:
1. I am tired of people telling me to shut up.
2. I am tired of people taking my favorite pens from my desk. From now on, I will buy myself some pens that I like, and I will put them in my pen jar, and put a pen out on my desk for people to use when they come in my office. Sort of like the chained pen at the bank counter.
3. Sometimes, I like to share meals. There are other times that I share meals just because I don’t want to say anything. I will no longer do that. If I want to, then I will. If I don’t, then I will speak up.
4. I do not EVER speak up about food that I get at a restaurant that is bad. I got a salad at Old Chicago the other day and the lettuce was so bad it was clear, it was almost see thru. It was disgusting. Tim actually spoke up before I did, because he didn’t want me to have to, but I had already decided that I was going to. I will speak up.
5. I will TRY to not be so stubborn. Note the word “try’. When we moved into the new house, me and Tim had a standoff about putting the tv on the mantle. THE BRAND NEW BEAUTIFUL MANTLE! He was going to drill holes in it and what if we had to take it down and there would be holes in it and what about my beautiful family picture I was going to put up there and what if and but and what if and blah blah blah. He wanted it. I didn’t. So, Tim went and bought a $100 tv stand to put it in the corner. I guess I had a moment of brilliance and it came to me that, if you put the tv up there OR a picture, you won’t see the holes and there will always be something up there. What does it matter? It was just me being stubborn and I didn’t want to mess it up because it was brand new. So, the tv is now on the mantle. And on top of that, I was going to drill holes in the mantle to put a picture up there? How dumb is that? So, anyway, I’ve decided to not be so stubborn. Hopefully. And I love the tv on the mantle.
And there’s more that I’ve contemplated. Tim is right. I have been contemplating and deciding a lot. You know when you were in high school and you had to go talk to the high school counselor and she would “counsel” you about what you wanted to do when you graduated? And she would always say…think about the things you like to do and you should get a job doing something you like to do. And then you went off to college and got a degree and got a job doing something you didn’t like? That’s probably not how it went for everyone but that’s how it went for me. I’ve worked for the state for 10 years, can you believe that? It’s not necessarily what I would like to do, but then again, I don’t really know what I would like to do. My friend Misti and I have a plan to open a cupcake shop. Or a convenience store in the complex where we work. They definitely need one. Or a home health agency? Or become a dentist that has disability facilities? Heck if I know. But for the last 3 months or so I have had this yearning to open my own business. But on the flip side, I have no start up money, and I’m not even sure what business I would like to open. And then you think about health insurance, which I have to have, equipment, rent, blah. I just feel like God is speaking to me about that. I’m not sure why. But, that’s another thing I’ve been contemplating lately.
Another item is a family home. My mother is putting the family home up for sale to afford putting my dad in a nursing home. I think I’ve known for years that it would come to that. There have been times that I have been sad and times that I have been hopeful. You just never know what you might get from me. It is sad to think of my dad in a nursing home. It is sad to think of my mom keeping on going the way she is with dad at home. It is sad to think of someone else living in our family home. It is sad to think of such significant change in our family. There are many issues to think of. All of the things to clear out, finding a buyer for the house, what my dad will think, where will they live after selling the house?? Many things. It is sad to think of having a Christmas somewhere other than our family home. It is sad and strange and overwhelming. And yet, I still have whims of…..what if it could be a good change? What if there could be a bright new fresh glimpse of life in this change? I think there could be. God knows what will happen. He orchestrated it all. He must know what the ending will be. How can we go wrong if we know we are doing what we are supposed to do? Hmmm. Contemplation…
So, this is a summary, of my 30th year of life and the life changes I have contemplated. I have not been sad that I am one year older. That’s all it is. One year. I hope the next 30 years are as awesome as the first 30 years.
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